went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
