is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
