Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
