i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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