so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
