i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
