I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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