I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
