I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
