i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
