We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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