if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
