Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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