Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
