I will die if light touches me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
