I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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