I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
