Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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