Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
