my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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