I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I deserve this hangover.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
