so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The best revenge is premature balding
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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