She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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