Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
