After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
