In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You can't special order awesome
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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