If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
