Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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