Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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