Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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