He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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