i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
