so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
