if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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