Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
