five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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