Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
