sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
