Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
zippers are such a cool invention
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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