people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
