Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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