Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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