garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
