Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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