Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
