No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
