so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
