is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
