I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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