I hate your face
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
