Sry I called you an 8
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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